pardonnez-moi Londres

I went to see a friend today and i had to take the tube. Well technically speaking i didnt have to take the tube, i could have taken the bus but i'd still be on my way back by now. I digress. So i took the tube and....oh before i forget, tube prices. WTF is up with that shit. £3.00 fucking quid for a single not even a return. I know London is expensive but in all gorgeousness why does it have to be that high. Stupid question actually as i know the answer is a shortfall in govt funding. But that is besides the point, it is expensive. Too fucking expensive. Anyways i paid £4.90 for a day travelcard (zone 1-2) and got on the tube.

I get to the my destination and walk to the escalators to get above ground. So there i am engaged in thoughts of how to save the world and stuff and i notice something. People who are walking past me on the way up the escalators are weaving between me and some dude 2 stairs ahead of me. He is standing on the other side of the escalators!!. Sacre Bleu!!.
This is London and standing on both sides of the escalators is not cool at all. It is a crime above all crimes. If looks could kill, tourists wouldnt come to London anymore as we would have killed millions of them for committing this most heinous of crimes. I cannot begin to describe just how much we Londoners loathe people who do this. It is one of the few things that brings us together.

ALL standing is on one side so people can walk or run up the other side of the escalators. So there i am slagging this dude off as you do. From the corner of my eye i notice that a girl behind me is trying to get my attention. I turn to her and she says to me with a smile "you are supposed to stand on the other side". Thinking she must have got it wrong (i am a proud citizen of London and veteran of the tube afterall) i look at the rest of the people on the escalators. They are all standing on the other side of the escalator. Still thinking that there must be some other explanation, i look at the signs between the escalators.

It reads "please stand on the right"

Slowly it dawns on me. I am standing on the wrong side, i am committing the crime most hated by commuters in London. All i can manage is "i havent used the tube in a long time". She smiles at me and puts her earphone back in her ears. I move to the other side.

How did this happen? Granted i havent used the tube in months, probably all of this year. That however is no excuse or reason for my crime against my fellow commuters. This was at rush hour for crap's sake. I expect i shall be hearing from the committee for commutting londoners. They may worse still recommend that my london citizenry be revoked.

To make it worse on my way back from my friend's, i got on the tube and got off a stop later. I was on a train heading the opposite direction that i wished to travel. Great bollocks. This simply wont do.