Fear & Wisdom

Bloody hell. About 10 mins ago i logged on and was all set to blog about crap knows what. My state of mind was in a blog friendly place. And now, its gone. If you happen to come across a lost blog-happy thought floating past you, tell it to get in touch with me. We need to get re-acquainted.

There is something terribly wrong in my relationship with my blog. As can be seen, i dont blog as frequently as i once did. I have just realised the reason. I think too much.

In previous times, i'd simply log on and blog away about whatever came to my mind. Now i tend to think more before i blog. This is quite stupid as i am forever telling people that the best way to say exactly what they think and feel is to open their mouths and speak without thinking. An approach which i find shows the true person behind the face or personality. Guess i should take a leaf out of my own book.

This is a problem i am currently having. Not doing what i tell people to do. If someone asks my advice and i give it, i do so in complete honesty and belief that what i am saying is the right course of action. And yet i do not always do as i tell others to do. The obvious question is why.

Why?

The answer as is so often the case is simple. In my case there are two answers, sometimes working in tandem and on other occasions not working in tandem.

What are they?

1. Fear.

2. Procrastination.

Procrastination has always been with me for a long time. We have travelled a great distance and have come quite far.

Fear in the contexts and forms that i feel it is relatively new to me. There are things that i wasnt afraid of in years gone by. In some cases i didnt even notice these things and now, now i have ended up fearing them. Quite silly i typed a small sentence and just deleted it, it has been replaced with this one instead. Like i said fear.

Fear is based in some part on logic. The thing is that after a while it ceases to be based on logic and gains its own momentum. Once that happens, logic is not so relevant. The root cause of my fear of certain things is of course that old chestnut and timeless slayer of humans, depression.

While my depression is officially over - according to me anyways - there are certain side effects. Well there are 2 primary ones anyway.

1. Fear as mentioned above

2. Wisdom.

Ironic or what. I am much wiser than i was before my depression. I guess it is the way of the universe, it doesnt grant wisdom for free. I am not certain that i would be as wise as i am now without my depression. Sometimes it feels like the side effects wont go away - the bad ones anyway. But then i guess it wouldnt be fair if the bad side effects went away while the good side effects remained.

Who knows eh?

Fear of Wisdom.

Wisdom of Fear.

Wisdom gained from Fear.

Just had to write those 3 down, no big purpose or anything.

For those wondering, the picture is of the obelisk in place de la concorde in Paris.

3.31 am. I really should go to bed.