Life but not in fiction
22.28pm.
The girl said something to me this evening.
She was about to get up and go do something, i said something along the lines of "where are you going?".
She said to me "sometimes you can be really horrible".
In my head it was a perfectly normal question to ask but looking back my intonation was not a good one.
I have always liked reading stuff where the writer or character is unsure and expressing this confusion. I came across someone's blog and i liked it for this reason. For me it resonates with the inner belief that everyone is on some path to a destination unknown (even if they are unaware of this). Movies & books where the character is struggling to find......i'm not sure what they are looking for. I guess its one of those "you'll know it when you see it" kind of things.
I've only now realised that my girlfriend is one of these characters that i so love in books and films. Took me 5 years of being with her to make this connection. Bloody hell.
The thing is, its not like in the movies. Being with her is......well its being with her. The same reason why i love those characters in the movies/books (confusion, constant searching, uncertainty, unbound joy, craziness) is the same reason why sometimes its really bloody difficult to be with the girl. One is only human and sometimes, one gets annoyed, frustrated or both. Which funny enough makes things not better (yes it would have been much easier to say much worse but there you go). The confusion that plagues those characters makes them seem connectable in some way. The reality is that it takes a lot of patience to talk someone through things over and over. It is right that one should talk things through with people, over and over if needs be.
I wish she hadnt said what she had to me. I wish i had spoken differently. I would like to be more understanding 99% of the time (100% is out of the question as perfection cant be attained by humans). Fundamentally i would like to be a bloody good boyfriend. Like a 9/10 not a 7/10. For me 7/10 is not good enough if one is supposed to be in a serious relationship.
Maybe i am a bloody good boyfriend, maybe not.
Does it matter, should it matter?
I think so.
I do love her sooo much.
The girl said something to me this evening.
She was about to get up and go do something, i said something along the lines of "where are you going?".
She said to me "sometimes you can be really horrible".
In my head it was a perfectly normal question to ask but looking back my intonation was not a good one.
I have always liked reading stuff where the writer or character is unsure and expressing this confusion. I came across someone's blog and i liked it for this reason. For me it resonates with the inner belief that everyone is on some path to a destination unknown (even if they are unaware of this). Movies & books where the character is struggling to find......i'm not sure what they are looking for. I guess its one of those "you'll know it when you see it" kind of things.
I've only now realised that my girlfriend is one of these characters that i so love in books and films. Took me 5 years of being with her to make this connection. Bloody hell.
The thing is, its not like in the movies. Being with her is......well its being with her. The same reason why i love those characters in the movies/books (confusion, constant searching, uncertainty, unbound joy, craziness) is the same reason why sometimes its really bloody difficult to be with the girl. One is only human and sometimes, one gets annoyed, frustrated or both. Which funny enough makes things not better (yes it would have been much easier to say much worse but there you go). The confusion that plagues those characters makes them seem connectable in some way. The reality is that it takes a lot of patience to talk someone through things over and over. It is right that one should talk things through with people, over and over if needs be.
I wish she hadnt said what she had to me. I wish i had spoken differently. I would like to be more understanding 99% of the time (100% is out of the question as perfection cant be attained by humans). Fundamentally i would like to be a bloody good boyfriend. Like a 9/10 not a 7/10. For me 7/10 is not good enough if one is supposed to be in a serious relationship.
Maybe i am a bloody good boyfriend, maybe not.
Does it matter, should it matter?
I think so.
I do love her sooo much.
posted by boy-man at 10:28 pm
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