Earthbound

I am twenty-five years old. To some this is a lot, to others it isnt. I think i am quite young, infact i am aware that i have a lot to learn. As is the norm with life, i have been in a few difficult situations. Broadly speaking, there are two types of situations:

• Those caused by yourself
• Those caused by others

I dont mind situations caused by myself. This is because i believe in personal responsibility - a lot. I believe that when you make a mess, it is your responsibility to clean it up. I believe it is unacceptable to mess up and expect others to clean your shit up for you.

I am in a hideously wrong situation right now. Two really bad situations, independent of each other and involving two different sets of people. In the next week, a lot of things could happen which would totally fuck things up for me right now. That things are bad is not the annoying factor for me. The annoying thing is that these two independent fuck ups are not of my making at all. I am where i am because people are just too fucking stupid to see whats in front of them. I am in this because the level of incompetence being illustrated to me is just plain ridiculous. People walking around with their heads down and not looking up to see what's in front of them and when you suggest that they do, they give you a reply that is so inane that you want to give them a mother of a right hook.

Apparently this would be the part where some would start to blame themselves in some part. I dont do that. Blaming myself for other people's fuck ups is not something i do very well. I am annoyed because if the worst happens, i will suffer a disaster of which i had no part in creating.

Worst of all is that all these incidents are making me doubt my belief in people. I am an altruistic person. I believe in the greater good of mankind as a matter of principle. I like to give people a chance to put their case forward, i believe that there are two sides to every story. Basically i would be a good employee for the United Nations - i happen to hold Kofi Annan in very high regard and have much admiration for the man - or as a diplomat.

Lately however, i find that i am becoming more annoyed. Rather too easily IMO. I find that my default mode is more likely to be set to edgy than easy going.

"Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss"... Lou Mannheim, Wall Street (1987).

The test is i suppose what kind of person i will be when all this is over. Should the worst happen, will i find that i am a bitter kind of person, easily angered or will i still be the easy going diplomat, quick to smile and slow to anger.