Peace

18:32 pm.

I am listening to Tracey Chapman's fast car. A very good and most underrated song. The lyrics are sad, human, humbling and speaks i feel of what most humans want.

Peace. Peace of heart, mind, body and soul. For ourselves and our dearest.

I dont want to be where i am right now. Physically, i dont want to be here right now. If i were somewhere else physically then mentally i'd be somewhere else.

I am trying to remember places that i like(d) and so far my brain is drawing a blank.

Not any more.

Lying on a mat outside in my childhood days. My dad and other grownups talking about heaven knows what while drinking palmwine.

There is a lot to be said for life in an african village. The images that always make its way onto the screens here are invariably negative and show these places in a hideous light. I have lived there however and will simply say dont believe all that you see on your screens.

Quiet nights with a cool breeze and a sky filled with more stars than you can shake a stick at. When the moon is full, it brightens up the night. Living in a city, one can never get the very very cool coloration of the night when lit up by a full moon.

I wouldnt mind being there right now.

Sometimes i feel like one of those old men who wants to tell you about the war and the shitness that life was for him and his mates. I guess he just wants to tell his story and maybe give the recipient some perspective.

As i have said before, i didnt grow up here. I have seen a different life. It was and is beautiful but as with anything human it has its fuckups.

I sometimes tell my story to people and in the main they dont get it. I once told people some of my stories growing up and they said i was lying. I spent a good while trying to tell them i wasn't lying and in the end some of them believed me and i gave up trying to convince the rest of them. I can say that i blame them for not believing me. Sometimes i think back to those times and it seems like it was another human's life from another time.

People.

Stupid people, clever people, silly people and crazy people. People.

I try to give perspective, i try to teach people things by telling them of an alternative life and in the main they just dont get it. A bit like when you are 15-17 and you think you know it all. Nothing anyone can do or say will convince you otherwise. It takes growing up to look back and see just how silly you were to think you were a grown up when you mostly weren't.

I dont want to be where i am right now. I want to be somewhere else. Somewhere peaceful, somewhere quiet, somewhere i can breathe, where my body can relax, where my mind can be at ease. Perhaps that is too much to ask.

Perhaps it is too much to ask...