Long time no post

Hello earthlings.

01.20 am


So its been a while, a bit more than a while to be honest.

What happened? Nothing much. Just procrastination really, it is a fine art and once mastered can be taken to glorious heights.

So after a long long absence, one is posting again.

I logged into my blog stat monitor thingy to see what's been going on. Who has been coming to visit, where they are from, how they got here etc.

So here is what i found.

Top 5 popular pages are:

boy-man-in-london.blogspot.com/2008/01/unreal-tournament-2000-game-of-year.html
boy-man-in-london.blogspot.com/2006/08/blowjobshandjobs.html
boy-man-in-london.blogspot.com/
boy-man-in-london.blogspot.com/2007/06/big-heart.html
boy-man-in-london.blogspot.com/2006/05/blowjobs-at-whitehall.html


On Christmas day someone found this blog via the following search term "how much for a blowjob in london".

And on New Year's day, someone else found this blog via the following search term "where to get a blowjob in london".


Now on the face of it these search terms are quite straightforward but its late and i'm in a silly kind of mood.

So instead of just taking these terms at face value lets do something different.


First we'll deal with the New Year's question seeing as we are in the new year.
"Where to get a blowjob in london"?

There are many places to get a blowjob in London. You can get a blowjob in a car, a bus, a club, in the park, in your flat, in your garden, on your rooftop, the rooftop of your office building, on the tube, in the back of a cab, in the front of a cab, in the street, in a carpark, on your balcony, at Buckingham palace, at downing street, in Trafalgar square, in piccadilly circus, at a massage parlour (not quite the standard massage but hey who's asking right), in Soho, In a theatre, in a bar and of course at the houses of parliament.

Is this question an open ended question or is a closed question. Once they get their dick sucked will they still be asking "where to get a blowjob in london?". I think it is fair to assume this person is a tourist as any londoner ought to know where they can get a blowjob. If said londoner does not know a lady (or gentleman) friend who can see to it that their New Year is ushered in by someone with shall we say "great oral skills" then there are a couple of other options available to them.
The phone boxes in the west end can be of assistance.
Clubs (Any londoner should know of course which clubs to go to where getting a blowjob from one of the other clubbers should be quite not so complicated).
Bars (Same as above).
Parks (London parks are famous for many things, some of which the daily mail strongly disapproves of).

It is also worth noting that this dude is not being too greedy. From the looks of things the person wants just a blowjob and nothing else. This is quite admirable of them. Not one to try and push the boat to see if they may upgrade from a blowjob to a shag, they seem content with just getting their dick sucked. Fair enough. Less is sometimes more.


What at first appears a simple enough question turns out to not be so simple afterall.


The 2nd question is more tricky.
"how much for a blowjob in london"?


This has no one answer. Any of the following is the correct answer.

cab fare home, £5, £10, £20, Pint of Stella, £50, £100, A bottle of Moet, £150, £200, £200 + cab fare home, £300, A diamond ring from DeBeers, A bottle of Smirnoff ice, A shot of Vodka, A dare, A very funny one liner (man walks into a bar...ouch. hehehehe), a promotion offer.

This also depends on how the person paying for the blowjob wants it to go down (hehehehe - i am on form tonight - hehehe)

One wonders what other issues will be brought up (hehe) should this person get their wish and have someone give them the tongue lashing (hehehe - told you i was on form) they are looking for. Will they get greedy and then want an upgrade from blowjob to sex, will they want the headgiver to go slow, fast, will they want them to use their hands, will they want them to deepthroat, will they want them to swallow, will they want to come on this headgiver?

The price of a blowjob in london one finds out is by no means defined to one value.

Leading to the next question.

Is the price of a blowjob in london the same as the price of a blowjob anywhere else?
Nay, is the price of a blowjob consistent throughout the cosmos?

And i suppose ultimately.

What IS the price of a blowjob?


A philosophers nightmare.

How does one quantify a blowjob?
Can value be placed on an unquantified blowjob?
How does one know before they get their dick sucked that the blowjob will match the price they have paid?

A formula perhaps could be invented for quantifying a blowjob. I propose the following.

Q = quantified value of blowjob
b = blowjob (where b is the standard sucking action with mouth only)
h = hands (h is the use of hand to assist mouth in sucking action)
2h = 2 hands (the use of 2 hands to assist mouth in sucking action)
s = spitting (the act of spitting out the semen ejaculated into the mouth)
Sw = Swallowing (the act of swalloowing semen ejaculated into the mouth)
e = enthusiasm (the enthusiastic nature as observed by the suckee, headgiver's efforts)
Ba = Ball action (extension of oral activity to the suckee's balls)


So there we have the quantities required to quantify a blowjob.

I propose the following.

Firstly that points be awarded to some of the above quantities and that the points be madeF constants (similar to pi or pythagoras' constant).

Secondly that the formual take into account the fact that all the quantities may not be present in any one situation.


With that in mind i propose a formula for calculating the minimum blowjob possible. This includes the 2 constants present in any blowjob, b and e.

Q = b * e



A new dawn for humankind. A formula for blowjobs is born.

Unreal Tournament G.O.T.Y

I have just spent close to an hour listening to a song on Unreal Tournament.

Naturally this has led me to bask in the awesomeness that is unreal tournament. Not just Unreal Tournament but specifically Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition.

Never has the title game of the year been more fucking appropriate.
This game fucking rules. End of.

Before i proceed i must first state the cause of all this. The song i am listening to is from the map: lava giant. Game Type is capture the flag. And just to help you along, i include a screen cap.



In time to come, historians will list the great events that altered the course of human existence.

The invention of the wheel.
The slicing of bread (a truly magnificent moment)
The battle of Stalingrad
The internet

And on November 26 of 1999, mankind's greatest triumph.

Unreal G.O.T.Y (game of the year) was released to the world.

On this day, the world changed but as is customary with most great events, most people alive at the time seldom realise that they are living through one of history's great periods.

The graphics is fucking cool, the gameplay is superb, the A.I of the bots is super cool and the gametypes...so fucking good it borders on the ridiculous...the gametypes are ...... just orgasm inducing. Seriously. For those not in the know, the gametypes are:

Deathmatch, Team Deathmatch, Capture the flag, Domination, Last man standing and assault.

Each gametype is at least a 9.75 out of 10 and kicks bloody fucking ass.

However the top banana is of course Deathmatch.

This is where Unreal stands out from a shitload of other games. You can just select practice session, select deathmatch, the frag limit (i recommend 30 or 40 with weapons stay), bot skill level (i recommend at least adept to get the blood flowing) and press start.

Its like being in the lobby scene in the Matrix except you can re-spawn and continue kicking much ass.

For optimum Deathmatch madness, i recommend selecting the Map:Fractal with weapons stay. Oh and at least 15bots (always).

I really am not doing this game justice. Its just so fucking good that i am rambling here with no cohesion simply because every part of it is just so bloody incredible. The maps are awesome, the music is simply su-fucking-perb, the bots are super viciously blood hungry and a delight (much respect to Loque and Barktooth lol) and the weapons...the fucking weapons.

Number 1 weapon has to be er......arghhhhhhh. They are all so fucking cool. Fuck it. I am just going to write a list of really cool things about this game cos i could be here all night.
(in no particular order + i may well forget some things so if your favourite isnt here just leave a comment + if you dont know the game then naturally some of these items will be lost on you )

1. Double Kill, Multi Kill, Ultra Kill, MMMOOONNNNSSSTTTEERRR KILL KILL KILL (when you kill 5 bots in quick succession).
2. HEADSHOT (Sniper rifle shot to the head, most delightful when playing face in capture the flag).
   
3. The various taunts when you kill a bot. Personal favourites "You are inferior" "I am superior" "Die Bitch"
   
4. Blowing a bot to pieces with a rocket launcher - specifically a fully loaded 4-6 rocket blast.
5. The fucking music, the fucking music. Favourites - Lava Giant, Fractal, Phobos the list goes on.
6. The bots, absolutely awesome A.I.
   
7. The redeemer. An apt name for such a fucking cool weapon. (A thermonuclear weapon for those not in the know).
8. Ripping a bot to shreds with the Flak Cannon.
   
9. Hearing the words, KILLING SPREE, RAMPAGE, DOMINATING, UNSTOPPABLE and of course GODLIKE.
10. The little dances of celebration when a bot makes a kill. My favourite is the "Pelvic Thrust".
11. Coming across a bot doing a "Pelvic Thrust" and then annihilating said bot preferably with a Flak Cannon.
12. The supermanlike feeling that comes when one has 199 health + Armour + Thigh pads + Shield Belt + a healthy selection of weapons. Unfortunately this feeling is most often short lived.

Sod it, its 4.28 in the morning and i really could be here till the sun comes up.

Basically the game is the dog's bollocks. If you dont have this game and you have a PC, go and get it. You might have a problem locating it however as it is kind of old.

Unfortunately even a game this awesome fell victim to the curse of sequels. I have played some of the sequels and i must say they are nowhere as good as the G.O.T.Y version. They are good games mind but they are somewhat pale when compared to the G.O.T.Y version.

Unreal on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unreal_Tournament

Happy new year.

Happy new year.

Best wishes to all and hope 2008 is a better year than 2007 for everyone (unless of course you are planning major badness in which case hope it is a much worse year, hehe).

So the year 2007 in review.

Negatives:

Some family issues remain unsolved (an understatement but then its what i do well).

A very close relative died.

The girl and I are yet to resolve our major source of discontent in our relationship.

Career wise, i am STILL earning less than i was when i was 21.




Positives:

Said family issues could have gotten much worse but didn't (Thank God for that).

My depression issues from a few years ago while not 100% fixed is now very well managed and the turmoil which it brought me has not been seen round these parts for a while. Hopefully the future will bring further improvements.Also i have become wiser cos of the depression and learnt a lot about myself and broadly speaking human beings.

The girl and I are still very much in love and remain committed to each other.

Career wise, my business partner and i have finally launched our business. While we are yet to make a profit, it is a going rather well and we have done well against the challenges we have come up against. It is a great experience and the learning curve is quite challenging.

My family and friends are alive and well to the best of my knowledge. I have made some new friends and reacquainted myself with some old ones.



Someone recently told me that it was quite good that i always manage to see the glass as half full and not half empty. I like being optimistic. Technically there is no reason NOT to be. So far as one is alive, there is a chance of things getting better. Obviously these chances vary from very likely to not so likely however i posit that it is the optimistic side of human beings that have propelled us to our greatest achievements.

So here's to optimism.

Something to think about. The first flight by the wright brothers was just 102 years ago. Now we think nothing of jumping on planes and flying to wherever. Optimism works. It just requires one to be patient.

Happy new year people. Try to stay optimistic.

Sporting life

Its been ages since i blogged about sports. This is unacceptable and i shall be putting this right soon.

So much to blog about.

Kimi "the iceman" raikonnen winning the F1 world title (yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, forza ferrari).

Lewis Hamilton's impressive F1 debut.

and most important of all the departure of Jose "the special one" Mourinho from Chelsea football club. Jose is a fuckin legend. He was, is and will remain the special one.

When i grow up......

When i was a child, i wanted to be a soldier. Between childhood and my current state of apparent adulthood i have wanted to be (in no particular order) a writer (actually wrote a few chapters), pilot, footballer, an engineer, an architect, an accountant (while i'm good at maths i'm glad i didn't follow this through) and of course a businessman (whatever that means).

I find it really absurd that people are frequently asked to choose a career path while still in their teens. It's ridiculous. The career i wanted at the age of 16 has completely gone out the window 10 years later. Hell i'm still not even sure if the path i have chosen right now will be the same one i'll be on 10 years from now.

While i accept that there are some people who know what they want to do from a very young age and do not change it all through their life i'd have to argue that they are in the minority. Most people chop and change as they go along, you pretty much have to.Life is not static, it is most certainly not constant in a mathematical formula. Shit happens in life and i guess one has to be able to evolve with the stuff that happens around us.

Its more annoying cos most people my age went to uni and are now working in a field totally unrelated to what they studied. This would be ok if it was accepted that a university education was strictly a quest for knowledge but the pervading myth is that it WILL help you get a better job. Bollocks.

Unless you ace the crap out of your chosen course it is very likely that you degree will not be much of a help when it comes to getting a job straight out of uni. I've watched lots of my peers go through the same stuff. Plus the added bonus of paying off a student loan for the next decade or more. I'm all in favour of going to uni to gain knowledge. Just seems far better than going to uni so you can get a decent job. Dont think it will happen though. The world is too far gone in the current direction and any attempt to change its course will be....fucking difficult.

I guess its a good thing to encourage kids to dream about what they want to be when they grow up but as always there has to be a balance.

When i grow up, i want to be a fireman.

When i grow up, i want to be a doctor.

When i grow up, i want to be a lawyer.

Nah....

When i grow up, i want to be me.

Life but not in fiction

22.28pm.

The girl said something to me this evening.
She was about to get up and go do something, i said something along the lines of "where are you going?".
She said to me "sometimes you can be really horrible".

In my head it was a perfectly normal question to ask but looking back my intonation was not a good one.

I have always liked reading stuff where the writer or character is unsure and expressing this confusion. I came across someone's blog and i liked it for this reason. For me it resonates with the inner belief that everyone is on some path to a destination unknown (even if they are unaware of this). Movies & books where the character is struggling to find......i'm not sure what they are looking for. I guess its one of those "you'll know it when you see it" kind of things.

I've only now realised that my girlfriend is one of these characters that i so love in books and films. Took me 5 years of being with her to make this connection. Bloody hell.

The thing is, its not like in the movies. Being with her is......well its being with her. The same reason why i love those characters in the movies/books (confusion, constant searching, uncertainty, unbound joy, craziness) is the same reason why sometimes its really bloody difficult to be with the girl. One is only human and sometimes, one gets annoyed, frustrated or both. Which funny enough makes things not better (yes it would have been much easier to say much worse but there you go). The confusion that plagues those characters makes them seem connectable in some way. The reality is that it takes a lot of patience to talk someone through things over and over. It is right that one should talk things through with people, over and over if needs be.

I wish she hadnt said what she had to me. I wish i had spoken differently. I would like to be more understanding 99% of the time (100% is out of the question as perfection cant be attained by humans). Fundamentally i would like to be a bloody good boyfriend. Like a 9/10 not a 7/10. For me 7/10 is not good enough if one is supposed to be in a serious relationship.

Maybe i am a bloody good boyfriend, maybe not.

Does it matter, should it matter?

I think so.

I do love her sooo much.

Mistakes and stuff

19.52 pm.

Very odd. I really feel crap right now. This in itself is nothing special, feeling crap is part of the human condition. What is odd is the path i took to my current state of crapness. 10 or so minutes ago i was doing ok. Then i thought of a decision that i had gotten wrong. Essentially i am starting my own business, its going ok i guess. We are good to go save for the fact that no one knows we exist. Fear not for we have "le grand marketing plan". In light of the fact that people will hopefully soon know that we exist, some changes have to be made to the current state of play.

One of these changes would not have been necessary had i listened and thought shit through a few months back. That, people is the trigger for my current state of crapness. The thing about starting your own business is that you'll make mistakes, hopefully none of them will be irretrievable. So far, none of our mistakes have proven to be catastrophic.

Its really odd. Its quite interesting the reactions you get when talking to people about trying to start your own company. My business partners family didnt seem to enthused by the idea that they wanted to do their own thing. It felt to me like they thought it was a phase thing she was going through and she'd get over it and soon come to her senses. I cant say hand on heart that they have all been supportive but to be fair they have not exactly been negative. They just dont seem too fussed, perhaps they are waiting to see if it kicks off. Fair enough i guess, much better than being negative.

My own family have been supportive but that is not a surprise. Generally speaking my siblings and i tend to walk around thinking that we can conquer the world. So anytime one of us says i'm going to do such and such, we're all pretty much like "yeah, cool stuff. You can do it". I am lucky i guess, from as long as i can remember my family have been pretty much supportive. My parents and my siblings are good like that. It was only recently that i made the possible connection between this and my confidence as a random person. Thank the lord for that.

Blogging is cool. I dont feel crap anymore, infact i am feeling quite good. Fuck yeah.

Looking back

Hello blogworld.

00.42am

I have said more times than i can think that i much prefer night-time. The peace, quiet, soft and gentle breeze. The mind wanders easily...mine does. The girlfriend is asleep next door in the bedroom.

It just occured to me that one day i will most likely look back on this period of my life with much fondness. It is slightly surprising because most times in life we just go along without truly realising what it is that we have or what it is that we are experiencing.


My day was going rather well until something happened. Something really simple. I didnt get an email, i didnt get a reply. On this one thing my mindset gradually changed without me realising it. Bloody hell. Eventually i was able to retrieve my default mindset. Its really weird how we as humans affect one another oftimes without even knowing it. I am almost certain that the person of whom i speak would be most surprised if i told them that not receiving a reply changed my mindset. I can barely believe it myself.


In historical terms, we classify periods of time. The dark ages, the middle ages etc. I tend to do the same in my own life. Thing is its not so straightforward cos some time periods overlap or have sub-periods of their own. Some of these sub-periods are probably worthy of being a full time period in their own right.

The last time period in my life prior to the current one is not very well titled. I simply refer to it as when i used to live (insert name here). Not a very good name but the time period in itself was fucking good.

The thing that surprises me is that looking back i mostly seem to remember the good times. As usual there were bad times, some of them were very bad but whenever i look back all i seem to find are good times.

It was a time marked by a few landmarks for me as a person (in no particular order):

• My first Holiday


• My first promotion (a job i really enjoyed)


• Living by myself (sort of cos i had a flatmate but hey who's asking)


• Meeting my girlfriend


• Forging a path of my own in life (yes very general i know but it is true)


• Making lots of friends (some of whom i have sadly lost touch with)


• Turning 21

The time period in itself lasted between 3.5 - 4 years depending on how one looks at it. I lived there for 4 years and so i prefer to use that as a measuring tool.

Looking back on it now i can honestly say it was probably the best years of my life. I remember once thinking "i have my own flat, my family's ok, i have a good bunch of friends, a good job and a sweet girlfriend, what more could i want". It wasn't perfect but it was bloody good. The only thing that at times saddens me is that its over. I often feel that i ought to have appreciated it more but i think i did. A lot of things have changed since then, the years have rolled on and we all have moved on in some ways. Friends and family who used to come and hang out have come and gone. One of whom died last year and another of my relatives who died early this year.

I guess that's life. Yes we have to keep moving and the world must keep spinning but sometimes, sometimes one just wishes that it wouldn't. Just for a while...just for a while

Fear & Wisdom

Bloody hell. About 10 mins ago i logged on and was all set to blog about crap knows what. My state of mind was in a blog friendly place. And now, its gone. If you happen to come across a lost blog-happy thought floating past you, tell it to get in touch with me. We need to get re-acquainted.

There is something terribly wrong in my relationship with my blog. As can be seen, i dont blog as frequently as i once did. I have just realised the reason. I think too much.

In previous times, i'd simply log on and blog away about whatever came to my mind. Now i tend to think more before i blog. This is quite stupid as i am forever telling people that the best way to say exactly what they think and feel is to open their mouths and speak without thinking. An approach which i find shows the true person behind the face or personality. Guess i should take a leaf out of my own book.

This is a problem i am currently having. Not doing what i tell people to do. If someone asks my advice and i give it, i do so in complete honesty and belief that what i am saying is the right course of action. And yet i do not always do as i tell others to do. The obvious question is why.

Why?

The answer as is so often the case is simple. In my case there are two answers, sometimes working in tandem and on other occasions not working in tandem.

What are they?

1. Fear.

2. Procrastination.

Procrastination has always been with me for a long time. We have travelled a great distance and have come quite far.

Fear in the contexts and forms that i feel it is relatively new to me. There are things that i wasnt afraid of in years gone by. In some cases i didnt even notice these things and now, now i have ended up fearing them. Quite silly i typed a small sentence and just deleted it, it has been replaced with this one instead. Like i said fear.

Fear is based in some part on logic. The thing is that after a while it ceases to be based on logic and gains its own momentum. Once that happens, logic is not so relevant. The root cause of my fear of certain things is of course that old chestnut and timeless slayer of humans, depression.

While my depression is officially over - according to me anyways - there are certain side effects. Well there are 2 primary ones anyway.

1. Fear as mentioned above

2. Wisdom.

Ironic or what. I am much wiser than i was before my depression. I guess it is the way of the universe, it doesnt grant wisdom for free. I am not certain that i would be as wise as i am now without my depression. Sometimes it feels like the side effects wont go away - the bad ones anyway. But then i guess it wouldnt be fair if the bad side effects went away while the good side effects remained.

Who knows eh?

Fear of Wisdom.

Wisdom of Fear.

Wisdom gained from Fear.

Just had to write those 3 down, no big purpose or anything.

For those wondering, the picture is of the obelisk in place de la concorde in Paris.

3.31 am. I really should go to bed.